Monday, February 28, 2005

it's gonna be a good week.

Today was a good day. They have been generally. Sure there are a few crisis' and as they die down, more come along. But at least I get a part where they die down; some down time.
We go to mass Saturday night, and right after communion we pray. My last ditch effort. One of the last things I say is it's gonna be a good week. And it has been.
Today the girls went out for lunch, good to have that time with Siobhan. We don't get alot of 'girl' time in. Dina and I are always together, yet it never seems like enough time! Siobhan commented that it was nice to see me happy and that I had been unhappy for a long time. Yes, it is nice :-) I used to say I wish I had a job I liked. I don't mind this one. When I worked downstairs I used to say if I won the lottery I wouldn't give 2 weeks notice. Funny, on the way home tonight, I was thinking I wonder if I could do this part time if I won the lottery. Isn't that crazy?!
I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope it doesn't.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Odd little job I have...Last week a few of my cases blew up and I didn't know where to begin. By the end of the week all was solved. So this week I'm thinking I don't have much to do....except lots and lots of progress notes, which document all that happened. I tried to work on my most active one, reading the notes to see where I left off. Then in comes 2 co-workers and they start flapping their traps about their long weekend and there went my concentration. I didn't get much done today. In fact, I spent alot of it on the phone finding out what happened over the long weekend. I guess the world doesn't realize it was a holiday because there were lots of messages that needed to be returned. I kept saying I had ADD and couldn't concentrate today -not that I am making light of those who really do have it.
The best part of today- other than leaving at the end of it- was when the Director came to me asking if I had a particular case. I said yes. She said 'you probably don't know all your cases yet', I said 'yes, I do'. She asked me about this case and I told her the answer, in great detail. She looked at me surprised. I said 'you didn't think I would know all that' She said 'no, I'm impressed'. :-)

Friday, February 18, 2005

cuz ya got to have friendsssssss

Well it's been awhile since I've written. The 'old' friend who emailed me keeps in touch with another friend. It was a 3 musketeer thing. So the other one is emailing too. I email them together now. What a trip down memeory lane.
Switching to this new job reminded me what a rotten kid I was and where I could have ended up. The trip down memory lane also brings it all back.
They are coming back to town in May, both are in a wedding together. They want to see me, get together. They also invited Dina. Thank God! I'll feel more comfortable with her there I think; an ally.
The newest one that emailed me said she missed me.....I spoke to Dina about this. I said if she missed me so much, why didn't she get in touch with me. She talks to my aunt. But then I said, who cares, at least I have you to Dina.
Funny how life changes. Girls I was friends with for soooooo long. That's ok, I wonin the end; I have a great friend, a soul mate in Dina.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

we're all f'd up

Remind me that I said this: I think I like my job. I need to remember good things; happy moments. Sounds wacky. Well, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knw a month ago I felt frustrated not knowing things; learning a new job. Not that I have it down pat now. But I have a better grasp. And I don;t find it very demanding, infact I didn;t have much to do today. So I feel like I am missing something. Case conference with my supervisor today; she tells me constantly how happy she is to have me there and I am doing a good job, and when I tell her I think I must be missing something, she says no, you are organized and a good worker.
I had changed departments about 7 years ago and had said I felt like I was sprung from prsion...that was short lived, but then again, the boss was nuts; changed her mind all the time about what we were to be doing. Several people left that department. I have to keep telling myself that was the reason, otherwise I will be expecting things to go sour here. But I think I like it. Funny, people ask me how the new job is going and I tell them, ok, so far until I'm told otherwise. I keep thinking they're gonna call me in and say why didn't you do this, or that. Cuz, no one told me!
I went to have my taxes done today and it was good, real good. So I'm driving home and thinking, just enjoy being happy. for now.
But here's the thing. Recently I got an email from an old friend. We were best friends, we went thru alot together in our teens; those were some crazy times. She got pregnant back then, long story, but I was there. Now she is divorced with 2 kids, (1 I've never met.) She tells me what's going on in her life...and it's not that great- like she won the lottery or has a great career, but has grown up and has responsibilities and a teenager. I find myself comparing myself to her and where I am at and feel short changed. She asked if I have a boyfriend. I don't want to email back and tell her I still live at home. It sounds so pathetic. C'mon, I tell myself, you have a 4 year degree, a good job, no- a career (I guess) at least I think I will retire from this place. So why do I feel like I don't measure up?
Mom takes grama to bingo every Wednesday night. I had dinner with another quilter in the neighborhood, so I stopped to say hello. I knew alot of the ladies at bingo, said hi too. Mom is introducing me to people this is MY daughter, she says. Grama is happy to see me. We visit. Mom tells me she's glad I stopped. Grama says don't go yet, stay.
I'm driving home and I'm thinking I'm glad we're there for each other, I couldn't leave her. I don't know what I'd do without her.
But what about that feeling that life passed me by, I didn't have kids. On some levels I am so unhappy, and on others I am happy, at least I think I am, for now.

we're all f'd up

Remind me that I said this: I think I like my job. I need to remember good things; happy moments. Sounds wacky. Well, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knw a month ago I felt frustrated not knowing things; learning a new job. Not that I have it down pat now. But I have a better grasp. And I don;t find it very demanding, infact I didn;t have much to do today. So I feel like I am missing something. Case conference with my supervisor today; she tells me constantly how happy she is to have me there and I am doing a good job, and when I tell her I think I must be missing something, she says no, you are organized and a good worker.
I had changed departments about 7 years ago and had said I felt like I was sprung from prsion...that was short lived, but then again, the boss was nuts; changed her mind all the time about what we were to be doing. Several people left that department. I have to keep telling myself that was the reason, otherwise I will be expecting things to go sour here. But I think I like it. Funny, people ask me how the new job is going and I tell them, ok, so far until I'm told otherwise. I keep thinking they're gonna call me in and say why didn't you do this, or that. Cuz, no one told me!
I went to have my taxes done today and it was good, real good. So I'm driving home and thinking, just enjoy being happy. for now.
But here's the thing. Recently I got an email from an old friend. We were best friends, we went thru alot together in our teens; those were some crazy times. She got pregnant back then, long story, but I was there. Now she is divorced with 2 kids, (1 I've never met.) She tells me what's going on in her life...and it's not that great- like she won the lottery or has a great career, but has grown up and has responsibilities and a teenager. I find myself comparing myself to her and where I am at and feel short changed. She asked if I have a boyfriend. I don't want to email back and tell her I still live at home. It sounds so pathetic. C'mon, I tell myself, you have a 4 year degree, a good job, no- a career (I guess) at least I think I will retire from this place. So why do I feel like I don't measure up?
Mom takes grama to bingo every Wednesday night. I had dinner with another quilter in the neighborhood, so I stopped to say hello. I knew alot of the ladies at bingo, said hi too. Mom is introducing me to people this is MY daughter, she says. Grama is happy to see me. We visit. Mom tells me she's glad I stopped. Grama says don't go yet, stay.
I'm driving home and I'm thinking I'm glad we're there for each other, I couldn't leave her. I don't know what I'd do without her.
But what about that feeling that life passed me by, I didn't have kids. On some levels I am so unhappy, and on others I am happy, at least I think I am, for now.