Tuesday, November 30, 2004

confusion

So now I have an interview next Wednesday for a promotion. I'm starting to feel inadequate. A coworker did tell me today that the boss said she would be surprised if I was still in my position by January; they think I will get promoted and leave my current department. I guess it's good they have faith in me!
This promotion is a senior caseworker in foster care....I used to work in CPS (investigation hotline reports of abuse) though job. I asked for a transfer out about 4 years ago. Now I want to go back to that kind of work? This position wouldn't have such a sense of urgency, whereas in CPS you had to make a 24 hour risk assesment which meant you had to go right then and there when you received the report to make sure the child was safe. Siobahn still works there; I commend her, it was too much for me. So why do I feel inadequate? I keep telling myself you can do anything, take the challenge, use your degree. I guess I'm afraid that I can't do itand someday someone will think or find out I am a bad caseworker. But I don't really think I am, I look at other people in the position, some are really bad, and some of theose bad caseworkers have been promoted. I think with civil service they have to choose betwen a limited number, and at somepoint you reach a group that isn't so good, so they have to pick the least worst one and promote them.
I just have to tell myself that it is all in God's hands and that things happen for a reason and it will all work out, and if I don't get it, there was a reason and there is a better plan.
I go to church, I am catholic. I may not agree with everything that my religion says (abortion) but I believe and I try to be good, I figure we all have to answer for our own sins...anywho...I got an early Christmas present. I wanted a ring that had the crucifix on it and was told to pick it out....well it's in and I am wearing it. It makes me feel good. It makes me want to be a better person. I have to find comfort in that.

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