throbbing

No, you sicko, not like that. This weekend I went to the wedding of a male friend, I'll admit it, a male friend I developed feelings for although he never knew. He's 13 years younger than I, we were strictly friends. We developed a very strong friendship very quickly. We see each other at work and he would visit several times a day and call at night. We'd talk nonstop about everything and anything. It felt good, it felt like dating someone. Some people at work assumed we were together. Then out of the blue he meets a girl and I'm cut off, just like that. It hurt....it hurt like hell, and still does. I spend alot of time thinking about how things were. I can't do that to myself anymore.
I think I did great at that wedding....it was hard, but what could I do, he has no idea. It sure is hard to watch someone you care for, or cared for strongly, get married; wishing you were up there on that altar instead of her. Knowing that you probably won't ever get married. I feel I am too old and set in my ways; I'll be 36 next week.
They say you know when you are in love, that you feel you can't live without the person. I don't feel like that. I think I loved the attention and the companionship. I don't hink I hve even been it love and I think that is sad. They say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
So what am I getting at? I got through it. But this morning I woke up with a throbbing in my chest, like my heart was gonna break or jump out of my chest. I bent over to put on shoes and socks and when I stood back up, I thought I was gonna die. I told myself all the way to work it's gonna be ok. It did end about 10ish, all of a sudden it was gone. Is it anxiety? But why now? The hard part is over. I'm just glad it's gone. I'd prefer the other kind of throbbing-you sicko!