Amazing Grace

update

2007-09-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

I've been plugging along at the store. Summer is slow...so I hear. I did go to Las Vegas because I found an air fare I couldn't pass up. That was the last week of August. My mom and 3 quilting pals manned the store. In about 6 weeks we will be going to Houston, Texas for Quilt Market. I am excited about that!
We moved the whole store around last Sunday. it was filling up and I ran out of room. My friend's husband built my first set of shelves, and he just did 6 more for me but said that's it! Also there is no more room in here. I think I have filled the store nice, building a good assortment...now I just need them to come buy stuff.

I went out to a bar with Tina last night and drank a bottle of wine before I went out. Sometimes I think I am missing things in life..but let me tell you, I can live without hanging out in bars. I didn't care for the band and the crowd was young, which made me feel old! And I am paying for it today. We got home at 1:30 which wasn't too bad. I got up around 7 - 7:30 and was here at the store by 8. I was a little dizzy, probably still drunk from last night. I did take some aspirin. I think I am too old for hangovers too! Funny, I didn't feel like this in Las Vegas...it's that damn wine-gets me all the time.
I haven't gotten anything accomplished today. I did make a block but don't like it.

tired

2007-07-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

I don't think tired is the right word. Saturday was the grand opening and we were very busy. It was an awesome day and we had lots of new people. There weren't as many people as I thought, but they apparently spent like crazy! We had lots of food left over.
The longarm business is going really well, I got in 4 quilts the day of the grand opening and 3 more today; 19 total. I' m still trying to figure out how to do it all myself. Luckily Mary Jane comes down and has been here the past 2 days helping me cut and restock fabric and kits. I am teaching her the computer now. I am fortunate that I have friends who can help out minimally for free! But...there is still so much only I can do. And I have yet to do any serious paperwork. I pay the bills and put the invoices in a pile.
I am waiting for a class to end right now and will run home and get in bed when they leave! I still come in most days by 7-7:30, sometime 6:30 and still it is not enough time although I do not open till 9. We'll see.
Harold did a blog for me for the store and I don't have time to post and monitor that...and I want a website??!!

2007-07-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Tina and I moved things around Saturday and this really opened the back of the store up. There is a quilt haning up now between the 2 shelves. I just got in 33 bolts of fabric and a lady dropped off a quilt, so I really need to get busy! The Grand Opening is Saturday!

no telling

2007-07-03T10:29:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was my best day ever and today no one....there is no telling what each day will bring.
There is still so much to do, samples to make and always dusting to be done.
Stop in if you are in the neighborhood!

Rima, I can't get to your site...help!

gone for now

2007-06-28T04:42:00.000-07:00

Robert left yesterday afternoon. It was great having him here. We had a good visit. I am not good at goodbye, but usually I get through it. Our goodbyes are quick. In March he dropped me off at the curb at the airport, we hugged, said goodbye and I walked away. I need to do it quick.
This time I mulled about it for days and got very emotional. I knew that when he pulled into the parking lot on Wednesday it would be to say goodbye. Even as I write this, tears spring to my eyes. I had written him a letter Tuesday night and put it in a card, so when I walked him to the truck, I put the card in the pocket in the door. He asked what it was and I told him it was for him to read later.
How can you thank someone who has made your dreams come true? He is proud of me and the store and believes in me.
So now it's back to focusing on the grand opening in 2 weeks and the camera crew that is coming next week to tape a spot on the public television station.
I will see him in October, so it's not goodbye...it's see you in a little while.

almost freaked out

2007-06-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon the modem went out, which meant no phone for the store and I couldn't accept credit cards. I called the cable company to let them know and they ask if it is unplugged. Don't you think I checked that before I called? They said they would try to send someone today. That about set me off. I told them as calmly as I could, that I can't take a credit card, don't have any phone services so no one can call into the store and that I can't set my alarm tonight. Luckily I had my cell phone. They did tell me that commercial accounts take precedence. Well big whoop!! I could have lots lots of sale over this!
So the guy gets here right at closing time and asks if I got his message. Ummmm, does he remember why he is here....to fix the phone?! He said the modem was fried and hooked up a new one.
I hate that part of running a business; relying on someone else to provide a service to you. Take for example ordering from vendors. Most of the time I do not get a complete order; something is always on back order.
But I do love being here. It is so peaceful.
Robert and I met Tina out Thursday night at a bar. When we walked in she was with people from work that I don't care for. I didn't like the feeling I got, so we left and went and had dinner elsewhere. I still get the willies when I think of my old job; which is not very often. It amazes me that I worked there for 16 years and forget that I did and never think about the place until someone from there calls. One girl I am friends with and when she calls me, she usually says something about the place or a case she has. I don't want to hear it. When I tell her how peaceful I am, she says she doesn't want to hear it, so I think I will need to tell her that.

they made it here

2007-06-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

breezy days

2007-06-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Robert got here last night. We unloaded the sewing machine and pew from his truck. It was so hot yesterday. Today, the breeze is blowing and I have the windows open in the store. That breeze feels like heaven.
Terry and Michele came today to hang up the holders inside the store. I hung up 2 quilts. It looks very nice, but a little dark with the quilts on the wall. I'm really going to have to do something about the lighting especially when the winter comes and it's dark and dreary outside.
Robert dropped me off lunch and will be back later to put the sewing machine together. I better go rock in the chairs while it's quiet; I haven't done that yet today. Man that breeze feels great.

visitor

2007-06-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Robert will be here in the next day or two. I can't wait to see him. I did just see him in March, and will again in October. Tina and I will be going to Market in October in Houston so Robert will drive up to spend a few days up in Houston, then we will go to his house for a few days and fly home.
I will go get more things I need for the store while he is here since he has a truck.
I need to go rock in my chairs; I haven't done that yet today, but Tina will be stopping down so I will wait for her.

looks like Heaven to me

2007-06-14T12:17:00.001-07:00

vacation

2007-06-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

Some quilting pals bought me rocking chairs for the front porch of my store. They dropped them off yesterday. They are wonderful. I just sat in them with my mom. She left and I sat for a little longer and I thought to myself even if I go belly up in 6 months, this will be the best vacation I ever had.
If you are in the neighborhood come rock with me!

so far so good

2007-06-10T04:24:00.000-07:00

I established a number I need to hit each day in sales to cover my expenses. I have averaged it by this week's end. A few days were slow, but the others made up for it. It's hard not to worry, but I got the advertising settled this week. I know it will take time. I go to the store early, usually by 7-7:30 and I don't open till 9. Lots to do. But I leave on time. I am a morning person. I open at noon today and it's 7:30 and I fell like I should be there...but there is so much to do at home as well. I'll get there.

first day

2007-06-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

It's the first day the shop is open. Exciting and scary.

not real

2007-06-01T15:42:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in my new store and it is quiet and the sun is setting. I look around and see everything and yet it doesn't feel real. I have to go back to 'old' job on Monday for my final day. They are having a party. I will go to personnel and hand in my badge and I hear they send you to a few other departments like security to sign papers. I have a few things to finish up there. I'd rather skip the entire day all together. I feel like I have been on vacation all week. I have had the help of some friends but mostly Tina. She took off yesterday and today and was here last Thurs. and Fri. night with me, through the move Saturday till Monday. How do you thank someone like that. We have been best friends for 20 years and I couldn't have come this far without her. She is good at the financial end; she went to school for accounting. Sometimes I think she knows more about my business than me.

moving day

2007-05-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Well I am proud to say that I got the key to my new store Thursday night and everything is in it's place. Tina has been working with me tirelessly. We worked all week at work, then were at my store till after 10:30 both Thursday and Friday.
Yesterday morning we picked up the UHaul rental truck at 7 am. I drove it and felt so butch!! No offense to anyone, I have gay friends! We loaded 3 rooms, including my longarm machine which is a hug job-in 1 hour. We unloaded and spent the rest of the day working like mad. A few friends showed up and lended a hand. There was a lot of assembling. Tina spent many hours logging in inventory and vendors and printing barcodes, then tagging merchandise. Other people stopped in to be nosy I guess. One friend brought others who wanted to peek at the stuff. It's very frustrating trying to get things in place and done when people want a tour. I was so happy when everyone left and it was just Tina and I. I put the merchandise out; I like that part-making it look nice and putting my touch on it. It was so quiet and peaceful; the most peace I had in a week. We made an early night last night and left after 9.
I went to church this morning and headed right to the store after mass. I was there before 10. Tina had some things to do so I got a few things done and tried my hand at entering inventory. I should learn to use the system after all! Another quilting pal stopped by in the afternoon to help. It was a quiet day doing things that just take time to do. I expect more deliveries this week. I will be on my own Tuesday and Wednesday, then Tina is off the end of the week to finish up what we can.
I brought my travel sewing machine and sewed a quick 'curtain' for the utility sink area. That's the most I have sewed in months! I expect to be down to the store by 8 am, probably sooner tomorrow. Good thing I have my mom to run errands.

the sign

2007-05-19T12:54:00.001-07:00

I passed by the store today because I was in PA this morning. I wouldn't normally pass by it in my daily travels. But soon I will! The sides of the old sign are gone so that means they are putting my name and number on! Something also caught my eye and I hit the brakes and did a u-turn. The lettering on the door is done. It brought tears to my eyes and I smiled all the way home!

here I am

2007-05-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

They changed the blogger account thing awhile ago and I had the hardest time getting switched over, but finally here I am. Soooooooooo much is going on. My official last day of work is June 4th. Then the store opens June 5th.
Utah was great. Tina and I went to Quilt Market. We saw over 500 vendors, ordered fabric and took 7 classes. We went from 6am to 8 pm. It was exhausting but we learned so much. The only thing we saw of Utah was the cab ride back and forth each day from the hotel to the convention center, but the mountains were beautiful.
I paid an extra week of rent so I get the key the 24th. Then on the 26th I rented a moving truck and some friends will help move my machine and what products I have received.
It is like Christmas here. I have had the first shipments delivered to the house since no one would be at the store to get them and we didn't want to wait until June. I need the products to open! I ordered the computer Monday and it arrived Wednesday. Last night the door bell rang at 6 pm and it was UPS with 7 boxes of fabric. Those boxes are over 60 pounds each. The guy puts them in the front room and I had to take them out to a storage area later. There are some things in the front room too heavy to move. I knew we'd have stuff piled everywhere! I liked getting the books this week, I flipped through all of them!
I need my 'thinking time' to decide about classes and a newsletter, but there is no time for that yet. I will be using a Point of Sale system so inputting all that inventory will be time consuming. I'm not that computer literate and Tina is worried she will let me down. We'll see what happens!

great weekend

2007-04-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

Tina, Catherine and I left Thursday to go to New Hampshire for a big longarm quilt show. The weather was bad; sleet and snow in New Hampshire and Vermont. It was a white knuckle drive as Catherine called it. We checked in, then went to Olive Garden for dinner. It was the prettiest one I have ever seen. Catherine and I shared a bottle of wine and got shitty! I felt so relaxed; it was just what I needed. Tina drove back to the hotel.
I took 2 classes on Friday and 2 on Saturday. I learned so much. I wish I had taken classes the first time we went. We ended up coming home a day early; we left right after my last class. We wanted to beat the Noreaster that is expected. I am happy to be home.
The 3 days together gave more time to make plans for the store and come up with more ideas. I can't believe we go to Market in 17 days. In my estimation, I have about 7 weeks left at work. That is something!
The state still hasn't changed my name, and I need to change it again after I get it. Wednesday will be 3 weeks and they told me 2-3 weeks. I'd like to order phone service this week, make the appointment with the accountant and get the name change settled. I also need to get an ad in by Friday. Oh yeah, I need to get a merchant account with a credit card company to accept them.

a minor set back

2007-04-07T05:19:00.000-07:00

I faxed in my name change on 3/28 to the State. I didn't pay the extra $25 for expedited service so it will take 2-3 weeks. The next day, my friend found a flyer from a long arm quilter about an hour away with the same name. Too close for me. She obviously did not run the name through the state. I called the state and asked if it can be withdrawn since it has not been processed. Nope. They would not know which of the work baskets of the 35 people who do that it is in. That means we're not gonna dig around for it. So when that change is processed-for $60, I have to do it all again for another $60 and this time I will pay for the expedited service ($25) -since I am running out of time. I expect to have this taken care of by the time we come back from New Hampshire on 4/16. 60 bucks to file a piece of paper!!
I know what phone service I will go with and internet, but can't order service until I have the name. Now that I am here thinking about it, I am starting to panic. The phone will take 3 weeks, which may put me past the May 11th deadline to get in the yellow pages.
Catherine, Tina and I will be going to New Hampshire on Thursday for machine quilter's show. I signed up and paid for classes back in November. Way before this new business venture. It will be hard to concentrate on the show with everything else going on in my life!

practice

2007-03-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

Since I am opening up a new shop, I am selling all my fabric, books and patterns to generate more cash. I will have lots of new fabric at my disposal soon! I have invited fellow quilters and they have come in groups. This morning was another 'sale' day. A group of about 6 came. They are a friend's sewing group, not real advanced but they get together anyway. I took a day off from work twice and went out and taught them a class. It was good practice. And it teaches me patience! So I stood at the bottom of the driveway and greeted them all, also more practice! I was helping a lady look for fabric for a project she was working on and another called for me. Then the one lady was picking fabric I didn't really like or thought went together, but she liked it and it will be her quilt. All this good practice!
Later, Tina and I went to Target to get a mini fridge that they had on sale.
My uncle came to mass with us tonight and then we drove across the border (about 10 miles) to PA to get his lottery tickets. We stopped at the new store since we have to drive right by and he looked in the window. I got excited again, and then I start to worry if it will be enough room. People are asking about classes and I don't really have the room for them and the machine but think I can make it work for 4 people; small classes. I am not ready to teach regularly. I don't know what I am going to teach, and I don't have any samples made, or quilts for the walls. We go to Quilt Market in 32 days.
My goals this week are to look at and hopefully decide on phone service, talk to the insurance guy and settle that, and talk to the newspaper about listing a quilter's garage sale and future grand opening, and other little papers for the grand opening-advertising.

sign and a look see

2007-03-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I talked to the sign people about the lettering on the door, the illuminated sign in the parking lot, and static stickers for cars. We did a logo design so I will have to wait to hear from them and proof it and get a quote. I also went to a new bank close by about business accounts. They wanted me to fill out some papers since I do not have an account there. I told them I don't want to fill out papers, I just want to know fees and such. They gave me a booklet. Then I met the owners at the building and another guy who will build me shelves. The owner is going to custom build a counter check out area that matches the place. I am so excited I could piss myself! I also picked up the lease. I get so excited just being in there. I called the electric company to find out about a security deposit and that wasn't too bad. And I left a message for the insurance guy. And now I wait. Again.

getting there

2007-03-28T17:13:00.000-07:00

well things are going well. I found a place!!! I should have known that the other place was not for me. I guess I knew it all along but just didn't think anything was out there...that I could afford. I know everything happens for a reason, and that is why all the difficulties with the other place. So I was driving down to PA; I am about 10 miles to the state line. I was going to drop off a quilt to a customer. I saw this beautiful place I used to do consignment at. It is a log cabin type place and it was a high end furniture store billed as Adirondack charm. I knew it was for sale for almost 200 grand so I thought there was no way I could afford a lease. It is $50 a month more than the 1st place and I don't have to put a dime into, where as the other place I was budgeting 10 grand for remodeling. The place is perfect and beautiful and made for me. It has quilt racks on the windows from the previous people and the back part has a garage door and a huge counter and shelf unit that would be awesome for shipping. I plan to do a website too!
I am signing a lease for June 1st. Tomorrow I am going down to talk to the sign guy about the sign, the lettering on the door and a static sticker for the car. I also get to go in the place again. I am meeting up with the owners to pick up the lease and talk to Mike about building me a counter check out area to match the store. The store is done in reclaimed barn wood; the floor is chestnut.....simply gorgeous.
There is still so much to do like getting phone and internet service, electric changed over and propane. Not to mention what computer system I will use, and the ordering of all the supplies. I go to Quilt Market 5 weeks from today, then it will fly by.
In the mean time, I work and extra hour and a half every day at work, try to come home and do a quilt, and plan for a store in between. I am getting backed up on quilts.
The owner is giving me so much help along the way about all these little things that she had to do when she set up her business. I also have an option to buy and she said what I pay to her can go towards the purchase price.
I am so excited, but the closer I get, the more I doubt myself. I plan to be open 7 days a week and run it myself. It will be a lot of work, but it's my passion. How many people say shoulda, coulda, woulda...

not sure where to start

2007-03-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Well I am not sure where to start. Vacation was great. We went to lots of quilt stores and they were so helpful and gave me great advice about opening a business. I was told about THE big trade show in Salt Lake City, Utah in May...so guess who is now holding plane and hotel reservations?!
Robert has been great. I have been looking for a location and have one I really like that has great parking and is a half mile from my house. BUT it needs work. There are more problems, it is for sale. And Chris went to look at it with me and he said it is more work than he wants to take on so I need to find a contractor. I was so upset last week after looking at it. I don't want to put 10 grand in to it, have it sold and get booted by a new owner. Robert said if I thought it was worth buying that maybe he would buy it and lease it to me. I wasn't expecting that.
I am amazed at how no one returns phone calls, especially when you are looking to give them money. The guy who is in charge of the building has to talk to his partners. He told me he would get back to me 2 days in a row and guess what, no return call.
I looked and called on a few other locations, nothing I like and way too high rent, plus some you have to pay property taxes on. It has been terrible. The cut off to be in the phone book which comes out in August is in May, so I really want to sign a lease by May 1st, otherwise I won't be in the phone book for a year.

My mom had the diamond my father gave her reset in a ring along time ago and that setting was old and cracking. Tonight she gave me a ring, a brand new setting with the diamond in it. It looks like an old setting which I love. The diamond is 42 years old! I have the best mom. She was upset when I came back from Texas and told her I was opening a shop. She is upset that I am walking away from a 16 year career & health insurance. But she is coming around.

vacation

2007-02-27T09:08:00.000-08:00

Well I finally leave for vacation bright and early tomorrow morning. I am not looking forward to leaving the house at 4:30 am for the airport. I have been sick most of last week and all this weekend. I went into work for a few hours yesterday morning because I had court at 9 and then had to wrap up a few things.
I packed this morning, finished a customer's quilt and have been taking it easy. I can finally breathe out of my nose.
I am supposed to go to a quilt class this afternoon but I'm not prepared. We went to the quilt store to download a drawing program that the instructor left. I had Tina's sister do it since she has a laptop. Tina said she emailed it to me last night, but I didn't get it so something's wrong there. Wonder where she sent it?
I don't think Robert is going to finance me, so I'm going to see him with an open mind and try not to kill him.
We went to look at a place on Saturday and the guy never showed. We waited a half hour. I have left him a message and he hasn't gotten back to me. That's bad business. I still have to talk to the guy on the 1st location. I called yesterday and the lady said his place was stuck somewhere and he wasn't back yet.
Robert will be doing a lot of driving; his stores are about an hour from his home. So I plan to bring my notebook and all my figures and plans and work on a business plan. I'll have to so it if he doesn't finance me.
What makes me mad is that he has the money just sitting and he teases me about it by saying things like 'we'll talk about it when you get here', or he sends me offers that the bank sends him...then he asks me 'where are you getting the capital from?'
He wants to pay $10,000 to play in the World Series of Poker in July and he doesn't even play poker! Why doesn't he just light the money on fire? So...it ought to be a great vacation:-)

happenings

2007-02-22T03:44:00.000-08:00

I have been making lots of phone calls trying to get information on opening a business. Tina and I went and looked at 2 places on Monday. One was way too big and the other I liked. It's not quite ready yet. It is a little small but a good starter I think. Tina is concerned about the parking. One realtor showed us the place but you have to talk to another guy who won't be back till this coming Monday. I called the heat/utility company on the place and don't think it will be much at all.
We are going to look at another place on Saturday which needs some work the guy says. We'll see. I have given my self a good headache over all this! I had dinner last night with a friend who is an accountant and does my taxes. Of course her husband and kids had to go. Her and her husband bicker; it's like having dinner with the Costanza's just not as loud. That didn't help the headache. I guess it's a small price to pay for free business advice.
Then I was talking to Robert, who I thought was going to loan me the money and kept telling me we'll talk when you get here. Well that is a week from yesterday. Last night he says where are you gonna get the capital for this. Talk about having your dreams shattered. So I guess I will have to go the route of writing a business plan. That should be a little easier since I have been making all these calls and getting information.
Oh yeah, 1 more thing. I was in a quilt store Tuesday afternoon taking a class and the fabric sales rep was there. After they finished their business and the owner went out to the counter, I went up to the guy telling him I was looking to start a business myself and did he have a card. He said he didn't have one right on him but that it's difficult because he has many of the local accounts. He said he would get me a card. He never came back in to give it to me. What a jerk.

snow day

2007-02-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

Well we are getting so much snow that we had a snow day today....whe was the last time you, as an adult, had a snow day?!! All government offices are closed today!!! I did see the neighbor's son come up with his plow so I went outside and shoveled a path to the cars in driveway, cleaned the snow off them and started them up. The snow is up to the door. So I got them out finally after rocking back and forth and knocked on the door and asked him to plow the driveway. He did, I put them back in and the snow is still falling like mad...but at least the plowing helped and is less that I have to shovel. I don't care; I'll take a snow day any day!

yuk

2007-02-13T03:30:00.000-08:00

Usually I am hitting the snooze button now, but today I am up, showered, dressed and ready. I am not looking forward to today and want to get it started so it can end faster. I have to leave in a few minutes and pick up a mom, then drive 40 miles in the wrong direction to pick up the kid at a foster home, then the 40 miles back this way and another 3 hours to drop the kid off at a facility. She is a difficult kid. And I want to beat the snow home. We are supposed to get a big storm and I will be 3 hours away.
It's a short month and this is the only day this week I could move her; she has to be moved by the 19th and that is a holiday. The only thing I am looking forward to is getting on that plane in 15 days. By this time, I will be on it. And hopefully by the time I return, I will have come up with a business plan and funding.
On the positive side, I am supposed to go look at 2 locations next Monday; I am waiting for the guy to call me and set that up.

40

2007-02-10T08:05:00.000-08:00

My sister in law called last night to say she is having a surprise 40th birthday party for my brother. 40. Wow. It's coming in a few for me as well. I don't feel as old as I am. Other than some gray hairs, I don't look it, and I sure don't act it. Of course, the older I get, the louder the clock ticks. I suppose I should go out, but why? Who wants to shout at each other in some bar. There is no one my age at my church it seems. I certainly don't meet anyone interesting at work. I had emailed someone about dinner and didn't get any response. I guess that ship has sailed.
I had breakfast with my uncle and grandmother this morning. He asked about my friend in Texas, if he ever thought of being a father. He thinks I should do artificial insemination and use the friend's 'ingredients', not to mention my friend has money and can support the baby.
I really want to start a business as soon as possible. I know it would be very very tight financially in the first year or two, so how could a child even be a consideration. On the other hand, I don't have time. I can't put off having a child for a few years. It's very possible neither could happen.

when is enough, enough?

2007-01-31T18:19:00.000-08:00

I went to Brooklyn about September to pick up a girl we have custody. That was after working all day, from 7 am; we got home about midnight-1am. She AWOL'd from a local group home. She is 16 and in no way ready to be on her own. She had hopes of going to an independent living program but was not doing what she needed to do. She had agreed to go back and get her shit together and do what she needed. Well, she didn't, so I had to look for another placement for her which meant a higher level of care to a facility in Buffalo which is 4-5 hours away-one way. She AWOL'd again in November, and has been gone since. In the mean time, she turned 17 in December. I think the mother knows and has known where she is the whole time. I was figuring she would resurface about the time of her birthday or Christmas; she didn't. Then I figured we'd hear from her this week because her 14 year old sister is due to have a baby this week. Great parenting in that house. I had just conferenced with my supervisor early this afternoon about what to do with the matter since we have court next week to review the arrest warrant that was issued on her back in November. The boss said cut her loose; the county attorney and the judge will say she's going to be 18 at the end of the year and what will they do with her-if they find her? Haven't we spent enough money on this kid, who just doesn't get it or want our help. We have had custody of her for 2 years and she hasn't changed in 2 years, why would she in 10 months? I have this bad feeling that if she turns herself in, she will be telling me that she is pregnant.
Guess what.....there was a message from her on my voicemail today saying she was going to turn herself in next week when we go to court. I was shocked. I was about to close the case, and now I will have to deal with her.
I hate to think that we waste our money on kids or that we give up on them, but I al also a realist...and I hardly ever see progress. I found out yesterday that another girl on my caseload, who isn't doing what she needs, is pregnant; she is 17. I used to cry when I found out these kids were pregnant; I felt like they were my own kids and I wanted to shake them and tell them you could have made something of yourself; we took you out of a bad situation and gave you an opportunity. I felt like I couldn't save them.
Makes me wonder why I get up and go to work everyday.

old

2007-01-25T16:49:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am getting old. I picked up my new glasses today. I had a gift card for $150 to get new glasses. I needed contacts. So a gift card + another $170 and I have new glasses that I can't see out of and no contacts. Not to mention I paid $250 for frames that you can't see! All out of pocket. Everything is sharper and clearer, but I see way too much out of my peripheral vision and these frames are about the same size as my old ones. I have to look down to see what is right in front of me and I get kinda dizzy...no, I am not blonde-no offense Rima! The old ones were about 6-7 years old and so scratched up. A contact exam is higher than an exam for glasses. And I still have to order my contacts. I knew I should have just spent the money and did the laser, which I have been thinking about for awhile. Now I will have to go back to the place and pick new frames and be inconvenienced. It's not on the way to anything.
Someone won the Powerball of 240 million and it wasn't us. But we did win $7, woo hoo. I asked everyone if they wanted to play the NY Lottery or take their 70 cents and run. Turns out we're gonna parlay our winnings!

happenings

2007-01-21T04:52:00.002-08:00

One of my co-workers' mother passed away Friday night. The girl and I used to be friends but I pulled away from the situation; there was always so much drama. She got married in October and I was invited to the wedding, which really surprised me. Her mother really suffered. She had cancer. She also was diabetic and had a problem with her leg/ankle. She had so many surgeries on it to try and save it. She had been in a wheel chair for years, unable to use the leg. When she got cancer, she had to decided which to deal with; deal with the leg and skip the chemo, or do the chemo and skip the leg. She eventually lost the leg at the knee. At one point she was able to use a prothesis and walk across the room which made them all happy. She was a fighter. I am sorry to hear of their loss but happy that she is no longer is so much pain. I have been trying not to think of it so much this weekend because I think my mother and losing her. I am not looking forward to the wake and funeral. No one ever looks forward to those, but it is something you have to do.
On a positive note, the quilts have been coming in and I have been busy. Of course, beaus there is something else I need to get done. I really want to get a quilt done for my priest who will be turning 60 in a few weeks. He won't say exactly when, but I know it is before Valentine's Day. I think it is actually in the 1st few days of February. He'll get the quilt sometime in February!
No one has won the Powerball which gives me hope! A local group won 2nd prize of 200 grand this week; they bought their ticket at the same place I do. 12 of them will share the money. My friend Mary Jane knows them; she used to work at the same place. She told of each person individually; how this will will drink it away and how that one doesn't need the money but so and so really needs it.
I need to go look for opportunity....I'll explain that another time.

happenings

2007-01-21T04:52:00.001-08:00

happenings

2007-01-21T04:52:00.000-08:00

winner

2007-01-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight is Powerball and it is over 100 million dollars, and I am going to win it.

could have gone

2007-01-10T03:52:00.000-08:00

I could have been in Las Vegas this afternoon. My friend is going there for business and asked me if I wanted to go with them. But 'them' was 4 of his managers. Now this would have been the ideal situation since he will be busy with business and I'd be there on my own. There have been many times I has said I wished I could just take off and disappear for awhile. So why didn't I take him up on his offer? The pool isn't open this time of year so there goes my day. I tend to lose most self control when I go to Las Vegas so I need to keep busy in the day and out of the casino. And since Tina wouldn't be there, I didn't think I could keep busy enough and I would have lost a lot of money! Of course with the crappy week it's been, I wish I had gone. I settled for going to Texas in March. My friend said it is closer to fly into Shreveport, LA than Dallas, then asked if I wanted to go to Mardi Gras since we'd be in Louisiana. I think I am a little old for the partying and hate big crowds like that....what a fuddy duddy I am! Of course it snowed last night and finally got cold-it is winter after all- but that makes me want warmer weather already. Well I can't change it, can't get on the plane today. I just have to look forward to a vacation in March.

did you break them?

2007-01-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

Well here we are, a week into the new year. I wonder how many people broke the resolutions they made? I didn't do so good this week myself. Catherine and I went to Weggie's (Wegman's) after going to the quilt store today. There were a million people there...yes, really. I went to putter. That's not something you do at a grocery store. Well I bought apples and bananas, oatmeal and dried fruit and a quilt magazine. Ya know, this healthier eating thing. It's funny to watch the people. I think it looks like rush hour traffic, and then there's the people reading all the labels. So I try the dried fruit, yuk. And Catherine tells me it's higher in carbs and has more sugar in it cuz it's dried. I thought it sounded good and I bought 2 bags. What am I gonna do with 2 bags of something I don't like? My first clue was the smell. It did not smell appealing at all. I think I am just destined to be fat.

Out with the old

2006-12-27T08:37:00.000-08:00

The end of the year comes and I 'freak out' with ideas. I guess it's a good optimistic thing to do. Of course the big 'D' is coming; not sure how that is going to affect out night out at Moe's once a week. I'm not going to freak out about that though-everything in moderation, right?!
Of course I have lots of new projects and ideas swimming in my head and I am itching to sew really bad since everything I have done the past month is for customers and gifts. I want to sew and create and make pretties for me! I have ground myself from buying any fabric after the 1st of the year again; I did it last year for 3 months but that was a bet. I really don't need any and I have been a bag girl and have spent a lot recently on it. So I will be good an pay off my credit card.
I have been cleaning and reorganizing. Hey, this is my vacation, I thought I was supposed to relax and do fun things! My room looks like a bomb went off in it. Of course I have that 15 foot quilting machine in there so that doesn't help, but there are sewing things all over- as always, but added to that is receipts and wrapping paper and bags...
So on Christmas Day, after Tina and I exchanged gifts, ate and visited, we went up to my room while I picked up and sorted and she watched tv in my bed. It was nice to have the company, makes mundane tasks more bearable.
I am moving things around my room to make more space and organize better. I have a 4 tiered metal shelf I keep my customers quilts on. In front of that is my little sewing table with my sewing machine on it. Also in the room are 2 big closets. One is full of Christmas stuff and junk. So my mother and I had a date this morning to go through it. If it were left up to me, nothing would be left! Behind my door is a 2 drawered filing cabinet which has mom's stuff in it. I wanted to put that in the big closet and put the shelf in it's place, then move the sewing table flush against the wall where the shelf is. So the closet had to be cleaned out to start that chain reaction.
I am happy to report the closet is done, the shelf is moved, and the table is flush against the wall. The bad news is that the hall is full of stuff that is from the closet which will be given to people or the salvation Army, and the sewing items are all over the place and need to be put back.
There are also hundreds, like maybe 200, CD's in storage units that are in my room because they have been moved to make room for other things. Many of them are 80s metal that I really don't listen to. I called a music place that will give $2-$3 per CD but will go through them title by title and may not want all of them. So until I can do that, I have to put them someplace in my mission of reorganization.
I am on a break right now having some soda and calming down my nose. I was sneezing terribly from all the dust. After typing all this, I am tried thinking of what I have done and what I have left!
Although I am off till Tuesday, I am helping my boss move and unpack tomorrow; she had lost her home in the flood in June and just bought a house. So even though I have a tons of stuff to do myself, it's nice to help her get settled and move on with her life.
I also called my priest today and offered my services Friday since we do not have a secretary any longer. He will let me know Friday if he needs any help. Well I guess that's it for now, I better get back to work!

I do it to myself

2006-12-19T04:45:00.000-08:00

I do it to myself every year. I tell myself I will start earlier, shop earlier, wrap gifts as I buy them, bake earlier. Well I had good intentions. What I've bought is in a box, in one place. I had planned on giving the nieces and nephews $20 each and the pillow cases with their names on them I made. Nope, they want embroidered sweatshirts that I do. It's much easier to give the money! I didn't bake but I had most of my shopping done early. The quilting was busy. I don't seem to know what I did with the money! That's gone too!
My friend is going to Las Vegas the 2nd week of January. He invited me along, but it's business for him; he is also going with 4 of his mangers. Since there is no pool available at this time of year and he will be busy most of the time, I opted not to go. I can't get Tina to go with me, so I would spend way too much time in the casino, losing money I don't have. But I could win money too :-) I had a dream last night that I won $221,000 on a $2 instant ticket. I rarely buy instant tickets. But it was a nice dream.
Tina also reminded me of our trip to New Hampshire in April. There is that free tour of Budweiser where you get 2 beers at the end.
I was at Barnes and Noble last night and saw stuff on Italy. I love Italy, I'm drawn to it. So when I got home I was searching for flights. When I went, about 5 years ago, I got a great flight,$365. The ones I see now are over $800. I really want to go back. I have 18 extra days of comp time and it burns me up that I am so dedicated to a thankless job. I could ramble on and on, but I have to go to work! More later.....

naughty or nice?

2006-12-09T15:55:00.000-08:00

I was a naughty girl today because I went to the quilt store and spent $359 but I was nice, because I spent it on me! That's more than my car payment. And I just spent $300 to fix the machine and $140 to ship it out. Well, I do plan on grounding myself from buying fabric after the 1st of the year. Besides, all my Christmas shopping is done as well as Tina and mom's birthdays.

baby's home

2006-12-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

Well my baby arrived home today. I put it back together with Tina's help. I finished the 1 row left on a quilt. My baby purrs. I've never heard it sound so good. I had such a hard comparing it and the best I could come up with was it's like going from riding a tricycle and then driving the most luxurious car you ever drove. Most people can tell when something is wrong by a sound. You know if your car sounds funny, or your child's cry. Well apparently mine machine was sick for awhile because I don't ever remember it sounding so good. Needless to say, I am very happy. Now the next week will be even crazier than I imagined. I thought I was out of business for the rest of the year. I have a lot to catch up on!

coming home

2006-12-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

Well, my baby is on her way home today. Probably sitting alone in some warehouse or truck, by herself, in the cold. But she is fixed and shines like a new penny I bet. The repair bill is a hair under $300. I can live with that. Their shipping back is only $28. They ship exclusively with 1 company and get a huge discount....so they tell me.
I expect her home Thursday, but won't get to assembling it till Saturday. Meanwhile the calls are still coming for quilts, which is good, but I don't think I can get them done by Christmas. Here's a tip: don't wait until the month before Christmas and expect your quilter to get your quilt done in time! I know of a place where their deadline for Christmas is October 1st.
Well that's the good news I have! Now I can go get new glasses and contacts; I haven't had new glasses in 6 years and can't see so well out of these because they are so scratched up.
Remind me to tell the story of being Santa this week.

still waiting

2006-11-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

Still waiting to hear on my machine. It was received in the factory on Monday according to Fed Ex. Shipping one way: 140.85. I'll take any donations! Did I mention labor is 68 bucks an hour?!

in early

2006-11-27T03:54:00.000-08:00

Back to work after 9 days off; this won't be pretty! I'm heading in early to see what awaits me.

just shipped.

2006-11-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

Fed Ex just picked up my machine. They only charge $4 for pick up, I don't think I could have carried the box. Well maybe. I think it is about 66 pounds. I hate to see what they are going to charge for shipping.
I called the woman I bought the machine from. She gave me some pointers about the shipping and even offered to finished the quilt that only had 1 row to go...and not charge me! I thought that was nice, but it will cost probably 20 bucks each way in shipping and what if it got lost...what would I tell my customer?! She also said she got her machine back in a week, but she is a distributor for the company.
Well see...cross your fingers. Thanks for commiserating with me Rima.

it's dead

2006-11-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

I was reading a fellow blogger talking about buying a house and how it takes up your cash. I have almost all my Christmas shopping done. Just a few more things to get. I've been working hard this week to get caught up on my Christmas orders. I had one row to go on this quilt that has taken me all day to do and the machine died. Totally. I am sick about it. As I tried to figure out what the problem was, it shut itself off, like the motor blew or something. I dismantled it completed. I will have to go out to the shed by Friday and get the box it came in. I think it weighs 40 pounds. The website said shipping cost could be $100-$400...is that each way?!? Did I mention I am sick about it. I doubt they will have it back to me before Christmas. Looks like I am out of business for the rest of the year.
I need to go upstairs and pick up all the parts and tools. I dismantled it and walked away. I don't even know if I will be able to get it back together. I am sitting here telling myself it could be worse. Maxine just got flooded again; twice in 5 months and had the 2nd furnace put in Monday. Did I mention I am sick about this.

vacation progress

2006-11-21T18:54:00.000-08:00

I have been busy catching up on quilts. I did 2 yesterday and 4 today. Tina and I did a little Christmas shopping before cards. We went to Moe's, our usual Monday thing. She likes the guy there, I think he's kinda cute myself.
I have another busy day tomorrow. Have 2 more quilts to do and have to drop off a few. I also have those 5 wallhangings to do.
Vacation is going quick.

how did I miss it

2006-11-17T15:54:00.000-08:00

I had to go out of town to 2 facility in different towns yesterday afternoon. I headed to Syracuse and it started raining, but then it wouldn't be Syracuse if it wasn't raining. It always seems to rain when Tina and I go to Syracuse. Well I was by myself this time, and I am glad I was. After seeing a kid in Syracuse, I moved on to Auburn. I love that drive along the lake in the summer.
Once I got hit Cortland, the rain got harder and pounded the highway. It was so hard to see-and that is why I am glad I was alone, because I would be nervous being responsible for someone else's life in that weather.
My coworker called to check on me and said it was getting really bad back home; streets were closing and she couldn't home. I have to go her way to get home so I knew I wouldn't be able to. I took the highway. So was everyone else. I passed many streets flooded with cars in them.
I thought, how did we not see this coming, but the rain came so fast and had no place to go. My coworker/friend was flooded in June; her basement was totally under water. It came inches from going into her 1st floor living area. She lost everything in the basement including a washer, dryer, hot water tank and furnace. She had it replaced; the furnace was $6,000 alone. She called me crying last night. The water was back and 2 steps from the 1st floor. All she just replaced was under water again. I was stuck on a road watching a river run through someone's backyard.
I had a terrible time getting home myself and there's more to that, but it was a small inconvenience compared to what everyone else lost. Again.

winner, winner, chicken dinner

2006-11-11T19:22:00.000-08:00

Hopefully in an hour, they will draw my winning numbers in the Powerball. Then I will have time to complete all my projects for Christmas!

what an annoying day

2006-11-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

Everything annoyed me today. Work was one problem after another. There was a foster parent dinner Friday night and I went. Many of the caseworkers don't go to it. I've heard people say 'when they have a caseworker appreciation dinner, I'll go'. People say that foster parents sign up for the job, know what they are getting into and are paid. I know they have a hard job, and I wouldn't want it. Let's face it, they get 'broken' kids; many with behavior problems. There is a particular unit that hosts the dinner, but all they did was hand out name tags and walked the door prizes to the people. They were paid overtime to go to the dinner, no other workers were. So after recognizing the foster parents, the commissioner thanks the staff who hosted the dinner.....hello you have other caseworkers there who didn't have to be but went-and we didn't even get paid. So let me get to the point of this tangent....a woman sang at the dinner-she was invited to, and she had a beautiful voice. She was asked to sing another song later in the evening. I had to leave before that performance, but I hear she sang a gospel song. And someone's guest told the deputy commissioner they were insulted because they were jewish. Doesn't every religion believe in a God or a higher power? Get over yourself!

just another day

2006-11-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

I was a bad girl today, actually this weekend. I should have been doing quilts. I did 9 last week, and have 6 more to do. Instead, I went to the quilt store yesterday, then another today. Today is my birthday, so I spent it in a quilt store, yeah!! So my bother calls to wish me a Happy Birthday and then passes the phone around to the kids. It's so forced; I try to avoid the call every year. So once he gets the words out of his mouth, he proceeds to complain to me about his miserable life. That's why I avoid his calls. He will be 40 in January, his oldest kid is 19 and in college, and my brother and his wife just had a baby in September. They have had the rockiest marriage ever and probably stay together for spite. This is their 5th kid and they can't afford it. My uncle told me the 19 year old is going to go to college at night now so she can watch the new baby in the day since they can't afford daycare. Idiots.

the 3rd Muskateer resurfaces

2006-10-31T19:07:00.000-08:00

Wow, talk about a blast from the past. Tina, Steve and I were the 3 Muskateers. He went off to California and got married and had kids. He calls from time to time. I think he called a year and a half ago. He's still in my cell phone. When my cell rang tonight and it said 'Steve' I was shocked. My birthday is within a week and I wondered if that was why.
What memories. We have so many over 19 or so years. Half my life.
I thought I was going to get to avoid the soul searching and self loathing that comes with every birthday. Who am I? Where am I going? Is this really it?
I hung up the phone and tears came to my eyes and I wondered why. I didn't really know what to feel. When we talked or said good bye in person, we all always said 'love you' and the reply was 'love ya too'. Tonight he said it. And like it was yesterday, the response rolled off my tongue.
I find it hard to believe that as he moved on in life, I'm still in the cell phone. He was stuck in traffic. I don't care why he called, I'm just glad he did. What I wouldn't give to turn back the clock.

busy

2006-10-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

I feel like one of Santa's elves...busy, busy. I have 4 of the 11 done and mailed one back to South Carolina. I have stayed on a fast pace that I set for myself...I didn't think I could do it, but have so far. My body feels it. My lower back and hips hurt, I could use a massage. I will be having breakfast with my grandmother and uncle in a about a half hour, then have to go to the quilt store and drop off a quilt and back home to work. I need to do 2 today and think I will because I have some smaller ones left.
My Fridays off in October are over; that was nice a 4 day work week! I have many projects of my own to do: orders and gifts. I remembered last night when I was laying in bed that I had planned on going Christmas shopping yesterday...oops. Maybe next weekend. Next weekend is my birthday and I haven't freaked out about it yet.

the good and the bad

2006-10-24T17:09:00.000-07:00

The good news is that the quilting business is booming again; I have 11 to do. The bad news is that I am so tired when I get home from work I don't want to do them!

an impromptu trip

2006-10-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Tina, Catherine and I went on an impromptu trip to Lancaster this weekend. I sent a link of the Whoopie Pie Festival to Tina the week before. Well about Wednesday she asked me what I was doing this weekend and said she thought we ought to go to it. When I asked Catherine what she was doing and what we had planned, she said she had to see that! I can't go to Lancaster without going to a quilt store so of course we had to work that into our plans.
On our way down we beeped at the Nanticoke exit to a certain someone and waved. We also did this on the way back.
Tina got up her nerve and registered for the whoopie pie eating contest. There were about 60 people signed up. You had 3 minutes to eat as many as you could. There were kids and adults and they called them up 3 at a time. An adult man who was small, ate 16, which was very exciting. Then along came a guy, small, probably in his 20s. He had 3 cups of water. He dipped them in and ate 37!! That was it for Tina. She knew she couldn't ever do anything close, so she didn't go when her name was called. I don't think she could have done 10! But it was great to see, and we laughed all weekend about the stupidest little things. And we got fabric!

the wedding

2006-10-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to Maria's wedding. It was beautiful and she looked absolutely gorgeous. Tina and I are criers, so by the end of the ceremony I had no makeup left on my face! I did lots of thinking last night, a lot about the past. The bride had 3 ex-boyfriends there; she sat them at the same table! One played the guitar during the ceremony. Another's son was a junior groomsman. I saw old acquitances from our bar hopping days. Actually from the drag shows. Some people never change. A slow song came on and Jimmy asked Tina or I to dance and the other would get the next dance. I danced. It's been years since I saw him so I asked him if he was still doing drag. That got him talking and he went on and on about himself, but that's ok, it took away the awkwardness. Maria and Dave haven't been together long, probably 6 months and here they are married. Her mom has cancer and isn't doing well. Maria wanted her mother at her wedding. They look so happy. Every couple does on their wedding day I suppose. I cried all night! I cried when her sister did the wedding toast, when she danced with her father,then mother-who is in a wheelchair because she lost her leg, every time I looked at her-looking beautiful and happy. Tina asked me what got you going this time? One time I told her the alcohol. Damn sappy drunk. I'm a people watcher though. I tend to catch things behind the scene. I watched Tony (an ex- and my favorite) hug her and tell her he loved her. I watched him cry after. I watched her mother watch her and her father dance, with tears in her eyes. I took a picture of her freshening up her makeup. Sometimes it's hard to watch without envy.

no sleep till Brooklyn

2006-09-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

I had to go to Brooklyn last night to pick up a kid that ran away. My coworker, Chrissy, went with me, but it would have been even better if Maxine could have gone, since she grew up in Brooklyn. The directions from the internet had us all over. We took many wrong turns, then there were lots of One Way streets so it was hard to get back on track. We did get where we needed to go after getting cut off at the Holland Tunnel. We left close to 5 pm and ended up back home around 1 am; lots of driving. When I told Tina I had to go to Brooklyn, she said 'no sleep'. Some of you may know the Beastie Boys song 'No sleep till Brooklyn'. Ok, I am dating myself now. I took a few hours off this morning, but will head into work this afternoon.

nothing exciting

2006-09-26T04:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing exciting going on here. Getting ready for a Quilt Retreat Weekend. I am also trying to finish a quilt that someone asked me to do for a wedding gift. She gave me a month to do it. People just don't realize what goes into them. The top is done and I finished pinning it on the machine this morning.
Mom and I do the CHOW pantry on the 4th Tuesday and Thursday at our church, so this is our week. It ends at 6:30, and I need gas and since I am 10 miles from the PA border, I need to do that tonight also. Big difference in the price, almost 30 cents a gallon.
Tomorrow night I have late home visits and probably won't be home till 7. I think I will have to get up early and put an hour in each morning to get it done before Friday. Then the edge needs to be put on.

quirks

2006-09-19T04:09:00.000-07:00

I recognize my quirks. I said to a friend once, why am I like this or why do I think that...she said 'we're all f***ed up'. We use that as an excuse now for everything. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday after work. I go every month or two, looking at all the quilt magazines. There are so many to look at. Most of them I don't find anything I like, so I flip thru them pretty quick looking at pics to see if there are a few projects I like, then I buy it. I don't want to look too long, cuz that will ruin the surprise of buying it, then there won't be anything to read or look at when I get home. The much anticipated Quilt Sampler in on the news stands now. It highlights 10 quilt shops all over, even Canada. I am a freak about this magazine. It comes out twice a year. It is so anticipated, that I have to wait for the right time to look at it. And then I do so in a ritualist fashion. I go through, looking at the shops, all their pictures, scrutinizing them thinking I would do MY shop this way or that way, or that looks terrible, too cluttered, too dark. It is also an inner struggle of jealousy when I look at it, wishing I had a shop. And I beat myself up for feeling that way. I told you I recognize my quirks, you have quirks too...maybe you haven't admitted them yet. We all have them cuz we're all f'd up.

ponderings

2006-09-18T03:41:00.000-07:00

It was a nice quiet weekend. I sewed, so that relaxed me. As I was making a quilt for someone who wants it by 10/7, another person called asking if I could quilt something for her by the end of the week. She dropped it off yesterday afternoon. I did end up getting most of the quilt top done for the 1st person, but I don't think I like it; I definitely don't like the shape. She picked a twin size. This looks really long and narrow, but it's her quilt. I will show her today; I think she should add 2 rows to the side. We'll see. My brother and his wife had a baby last week. Their 5th! Their oldest is in college and the youngest was 11! Imagine starting all over again. He called last night and said the baby is sick, I guess jaundiced. He's all upset and wants my mom to come out for a few days. They live a little over an hour away. I don't know what mom is supposed to do, she's not a doctor! Ok, I admit it, I am a little bitter. Here I am, single with no kids, and they, who can't afford anymore, have another child. And they took the name I wanted if I had a girl. But they don't know that. I just wonder why things happen they way they do. Why didn't I ever meet anyone, get married and have kids? Instead I have to be on the sidelines of everyone's life watching them with their kids; especially the clients who don't take care of theirs. There. I said it. They say everything happens for a reason...

bad week

2006-09-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a week. I had to remand a child and place him in a foster home last night. We had to go out with the police, serve the papers on the father and take the child into custody. I hate remands. The child, almost 3, never cried. He came willingly with us who were strangers, then we dropped him at an emergency foster home who was a stranger. He walked up the stairs and in the door like he owned the place. Then today, I had to go get him and move him to a more permanent place. So he went again to another strangers and no crying. He walked into the new house and went to the toys and started playing and took over. I'm glad he wasn't crying, but to go so willingly with several strangers...scary.
I also had a melt down in my supervisor's office on Tuesday morning. Then I had to go out of town to 2 facilities. I hate to cry. I do it when I obviously am hurt, but when I get very frustrated or angry. Tuesday I hit my breaking point. The drive did me good though. I was gone 6 1/2 hours and got back late. I never turned the radio on all day.
As of today, I have 9 hours of comp, which turn into 13.5. Great...more time I can't use. This results in extra days off, but you get behind if you take off. I planned on working 1/2 days on Saturdays, but that results in comp time. On top of the vacation time I haven't used, I have about 14 extra days off. I could really use a day off.

5 years

2006-09-10T17:21:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has been 5 years since the World Trade Center Attack. I remember hearing about the 1st plane. I was at work and a coworker had a small tv in their office we crowded around. I saw the 2nd plane hit. It seemed like we were watching a movie.
They say people remember where they were when big events happen; JFK's assassination, the Challenger exploding, Elvis dying. I think they should make it a national day of mourning.

question

2006-09-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have a question for you to ponder, one I pondered...not about myself, but what I heard about a co-worker.
The girl and the guy are engaged, and live together, under 30 years old and he has no interest in sex. She asked him if he was gay; he says he's not. They have been together for a few years, and had sex in the past. The man has no health resons why he can't, like a bad ticker. Now I know sex isn't everything and isn't what a marriage or relationship is based on. So, could you marry someone and live in a sexless marriage and be satisfied and happy-given the above condition?

oh wouldn't it be loverly

2006-09-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

You know, if I could just go visit with people all day and not have to do the paperwork, court reports, progress notes and all the other crap, it would be a good job. Today I got to visit with a 'semi-normal' family and it was the first day of school. The kids were so excited to tell me all about their day. It was nice. I also was in a meeting with my supervisor, her supervisor- the director and the deputy commissioner on one of my cases. I thought I might get a new asshole, not that I did anything wrong, but the father is very manipulative. Any who, it went well, but you get a little worried when you get called to the great and powerful Oz's office cuz you know no one gets in to see the wizard, no way, no how.

snooze

2006-09-06T03:58:00.000-07:00

The snooze button and I have have become good friends. I hit the button for almost an hour. I just can't seem to get up and end up going in later than usual, which is still early. I used to go in an hour early, but after ending up with 12 extra days off I stopped. Last week when I was on vacation was the first time I used vacation time. Yesterday I said I was going to make scheduling time off a priority. Well I took off all the Fridays in October. That sounds exciting. I can't wait for September to end now!

still hope

2006-09-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

Well I'm getting back into the routine. Did the laundry, the usual weekend things. I did get a quilt done for my business. Charlene told me I need to get caught up because she has a few for me to do, so I thought I better get going on them. The only good thing about going back to work tomorrow is that it is Tuesday, only 4 days this week. I think I will make scheduling some vacation off a priority tomorrow! I have my Powerball tickets for Wednesday, so there is hope. I meant to tell Rima that she must have brought me luck on my luggage because after I read her post, my luggage arrived. Thanks.

Sunday drive

2006-09-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

2 of my quilt pals and I took a drive today to North East PA to a quilt store. It was a great day for a drive; a nice lazy Sunday afternoon. I am ready for a nap now. One of the nice surprises was that gas was 2.59 a gallon. It's 2.85 where I live. There is a place we usually stop for lunch when we go there, but they were closed. We called back to the quilt store to see if they could recommend a place. They did and it was also closed. I know someone in that area, but he was out of town, or I would have called him and maybe even met up. Still it was a good day, maybe it was fate. On one hand I feel like I wasted the day and didn't get anything accomplished, but we had fun. I guess I should go do something productive now, but I'd like a nap.

babbling

2006-09-01T18:41:00.000-07:00

Where are the single interesting men? My clock is ticking here. My friend at work said her husband said this is the last weekend for them to try and have another baby. She said she will go back on the pill when she wants. They have a 3 year old and have been married 5 years now....boy time flies, seems like they have been together longer. Sometimes when I hear my coworkers talk, I am glad I am single. That coworker just completed her Master's degree and her husband said she better get a better job out of it...what an idiot; like a degree gets you a better job. He gets mad when she works late, that's the nature of our job. I guess I am just babbling. I sure am glad it is the weekend. Have a safe and happy Labor Day everyone. Good bye summer.

reflections

2006-08-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, first things first. My luggage arrived this afternoon. Once it arrived, I got on the phone to US Airways. I was going to send an email to them, but the website said it was limited to 2000 characters. I'm not sure what that comes out to, but I wasn't taking any chances, so I called. I voiced my displeasure with yesterdays events and the lady said she would send a $150 travel voucher to both Tina and I, good for 1 year. I feel better already.
I was very nice about it too and told her I didn't know if it was a US Air problem or a Philly problem, but it's all US Air staff, and that I didn't expect anything to be done, but wanted to voice my concern. I don't know why I go to Las Vegas. I come back spending way too much money and then beat myself up over it. I really spent a lot this time. I had it to spend, but planned on doing other things with it. I guess I do know why I go...it's the same reason I ride rollercoasters or other rides; to recapture my youth. We rode Speed at the Sahara. We had actually talked to the cab driver about the rides in Vegas. He said Speed was quick and that the Manhattan Express at New York New York was much worse. The Express is a rollercoaster and the last time I rode it, I thought my legs would give out after I got off the ride. Speed is a 45 second ride with a loop or 2 that goes up a pole, stops, then you go through the ride backwards. You can go the website at the Sahara to learn more specifics. My heart was pounding walking up to the gate, so much that I thought it would pop out of my chest. I had Robert feel my chest, you could feel it. I was told the ride starts out like a rocket. So as it starts, I scream like a girl, but then that was it. I kept my eyes open, even through the loops. On the way back through I let out a yell like a 'hell yeah', not an 'I'm going to shit my pants I'm so scared' yell. When we got back to the gate I breathed a big sigh, like pressure was lifted. Actually I felt at the time like a release after sex. Satisfied. Tina and I went to church Saturday night for Sunday, just like I do at home. On Sunday, we switched to The Flamingo down on the strip because I had 2 nights comped there. What a place. There was a huge lobby and a VIP check in and a 'regular' check in for us commoners. I told Tina we were way out of our league there! They had 4 pools and it was gorgeous. We got down to the pool at 9am and there were already lots of people there. The sun wasn't even on most of the pool, but many of the prime spots were taken. They had palm trees on islands in the pool and a waterfall. There were a lot of ledges to sit on in the pool. There were even chairs on some ledges; you could sit on the ledge or up in the chair with your feet in the water. The downside was that those islands with the palm trees had a lot of cigarette butts and empty beer bottles and cups. People walk through the pool carrying beers and smoking. When Tina and I were leaving yesterday, I checked my voice mail at work, just to see how many messages, not to listen to them. I had 9 messages; Tina had 18. Not bad. I talked to my friend Catherine tonight and she told me that on one of my cases, the kids were placed into foster care while I was gone. Most of the time we say good, cuz it was necessary. The bad part is having to deal with the mother. The only advantage, well there's 2....to being on vacation while it happened is simply 1: I didn't have to take the kids out of the home. That's never a good scene, kids and mothers crying. And 2: I wasn't the bad guy who took the kids out of the home. I get to say I didn't do it, I don't know what happened, but let's fix it and move forward. I only have to work 2 days this week, then a 3 day weekend. I don't think they will be 2 good days. Good thing I bought a Powerball ticket tonight.

finally home

2006-08-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well I didn't find fame and fortune on my vacation. The trip home was terrible. We got up at 3am for our 7am flight. The shuttle was to pick us up at 4:05am, so we had a hour for 2 of us to shower and dress and check out. Ok, check. We were at the airport in time. Vegas to phoenix was ok. Phoenix to Philly left a half hour late and got in an hour late, right when we were to get our next flight. We had to circle in a holding pattern for an hour because we were unable to land due to weather. We hurried to our flight. Tina said to the guy 'please let us on the plane'. He told her he would if the plane was there. It hadn't left State College yet. That was good, we didn't miss it. That was at 6pm. He said an hour. Good we could finally eat something as I hadn't eaten all day. We went back to our gate. They told us the flight was cancelled and we would be on the next flight at 8:40 and sent us to a new gate. Of course 8:40 comes and goes, with no announcements. At 9ish we are told they are waiting for a flight crew. An elderly woman starts trying to recruit crews. At 10:10 we are put on the plane, so I inform our ride we should be underway in a half hour and home by 11:30. Then we sit...and sit...and sit. At 11:15 we are told we may be about 10th in line for take off and in the air in about a half hour. At 11:40, we leave. We arrive around 12:25am. I'm sure you know what comes next. No luggage. No one to be found. I call airport operations on the courtesy phone. He says another flight will be coming in 10 minutes and someone from the airlines should be at their counter soon. I hear someone say the next flight has 9 passengers and 22 bags, sounds promising....but it comes and goes and still no luggage. So we file a baggage claim. They said the next flight comes in at 11 today and they will bring it once they find it. I intend to write a strongly worded letter to someone, somewhere.

the big day

2006-08-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

Well it's here. The big day. Technically, it's tomorrow, but I have to get up in 12 hours. Our plane leaves at 6am, and we are leaving the house at 4am, so up at 3 to grab a quick shower and get dressed. Tina and I were out today. We had lunch, looked for shoes and did some girly things. I got to endure the pain of getting my eyebrows waxed. I still have some girly things left to do like shave my legs and polish my toenails. I can tell you, we're all friends here. I don't know what is in my suitcase, but I have no room, not an inch. Tina seems to have room in hers, and mine is bigger. Everyone keeps telling me to have a good time. Now, I'm not one to let others influence me, but for once I think I will take the advice of others on this one.

Hakuna Mattata

2006-08-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

I'm diggin' vacation so far and I haven't even left yet. I like this no pressure feeling...isn't that Hakuna Mattata? From the Lion King, no worries...now the song is playing in my head...it means no worries for the rest of your days, it's our problem free philosophy...hakuna mattata. Well I feel better now. I had to re-pack though. I couldn't get a pair of sneakers and sandals in. I rolled the clothes. I knew that trick, used it when I went to Italy, but I got a new suitcase with more pockets and thought I'd get it all in. The more room you have, the more stuff you take. I have 3 books; some have 2-3 stories in them. lots of quilt magazines and even a hand sewing project. I will probably surprise myself if I even get to the sewing and finish more than 1 book. I won't actually get to these things until the 4th day. We will arrive the 1st day around noon, but check in isn't until 3 and you can't get into the pool with out a room key. So we'll drop our bags at the hotel; they will hold them for you, grab lunch and putz around, maybe play a little black jack. Day 2 we are playing in a mini black jack tournament right at noon, and day 3 we will rent a car and go to some usual spots. We go to the Sonic for lunch cuz we don't have one here, and the quilt store, then off to the border of California where there are a cluster of small casinos. Primm Valley Resorts is the place and Buffalo Bills has a water log ride, roller coater, and a mall.

almost there

2006-08-17T16:12:00.000-07:00

Tina reminded me, right before lunch,that we only have a day and a half left until vacation. I told her to shut up and that I wanted to punch her. These deadlines are killing me.
We thought it would never get here. I went in at 7am and left at 6pm. But the 22 page court report is done. Too much like school; feels like I had to write a term paper. I spellchecked it, printed it out and brought it home to proof read. I get a lot of 'fro' instead of 'for' and spellcheck doesn't catch that. I do feel like a big weight is off my shoulders.
I have a few appointments in the morning, then I am in the office all afternoon. My major task tomorrow is cleaning off my desk. Gotta make room for all the stuff they will pile on it while I am gone. And they will. I may actually get out on time. I am looking forward to changing my voicemail message that I am on vacation....ahhh the simple pleasures of life!

more dreams

2006-08-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

I'm still sitting here thinking of that awesome drive. Remind me in the winter, with the lake effect snow, how great a drive it is. I love to go along and look at the lake, then the incredible houses and dream.......I imagine what the massive houses might look like inside, and think how romantic it would be to be there with a lover on a sultry summer night, sipping wine and falling in love....or raising kids. There are many houses for sale along the lake. I hear some go for a million bucks. One near town had a sign for sale with some flyers hanging off of it to take. We grabbed one. It goes for under 300 grand, not as pricy, but it only has a view of the lake in 3 seasons....odd description. A few weeks ago, the Powerball was over 200 million. I certainly didn't win it, but dreamt about the houses along the route. It's not my time to win, and I know this because of the following. Anyone who knows me at all, knows it is my dream to own a quilt store. If I won the lottery, then subsequently bought the lake front property, I'd want to spend the summer there; how could I run this store? I want my paws in it, I want to run it. I want to pet the fabric and be inspired by books, patterns and fabric. I want to visit with customers and see what they are working on and hear their stories. I want to share my craft. I used to get a high when we would go to Lancaster and I would buy fabric. I would have butterflies in my stomach, I have that feeling now as I talk about my passion. So that would be the dilemma of wanting to be in 2 places at once. The solution is not to open a store in the lake area, I know my market. No solution tonight, just dreams.......

why can't they all be like today

2006-08-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

I had to go to a facility to see a kid today and it is near Skaneateles Lake. What a drive, I wish everyday could be like today. It was a picture perfect day; big billowy clouds that you just want to fall in to and bright sunshine all the way. I went with another casework who also has a kid there and we took the intern. It was also the intern's last day. Ahhhhhhh, to be so young and full of ideas and wanting to save the world. I remember those days. Well the other caseworker got pulled into an unexpected meeting there so we told her we would wait in the car since it was so nice. We waited almost an hour, but sitting there with the breeze flowing across my face was heaven. I am so looking forward to vacation. When I got back to the office at 4, there were 14 messages. Those I can live without.

let the anxiety begin

2006-08-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not sleeping well. I dream about work all night. With vacation coming up it's a mad dash to get in my contacts and court reports. I was supposed to go to Syracuse to a facility to meet a kid on the new case I got. 2 crisis erupted and that trip was cancelled. Tomorrow is Auburn. Then there's the two 18 page court reports due by Friday. I am on page 8 of the 1st one. I think I need something else to occupy me before I go to bed...good thing vacation is coming. I need the break and a little of what you were thinking wouldn't hurt either.

to the future

2006-08-13T05:51:00.000-07:00

My dream is to own my own quilt/fabric shop. And on this road to my goal, I need to pay off some debt. A friend offered a loan to me to pay off all my bills. We have been friends for 15 years and he has money; enough money to back my business. He started a business about 5 years ago and has expanded into 3 more in other states. This week, all bills will be paid off; the checks will be sent in and officially on paper I will look debt free. Can you imagine how many offers of credit I will get. Also, I am to send him half of what I would pay a month and bank the other half to show I am serious about this. When I come back from vacation the checks will have cleared. I am so excited. My plan had been to seriously start researching things to the point of writing a business plan. I am hoping that in the next 3 years I will have banked enough to do this. A quilting friend will be retiring then and we'd like to go into business together on this. We shall see.

what a dummy

2006-08-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

I tried to add a site meter today. I am computer illiterate at times. I couldn't figure it out. But that's ok, I don't think there's anyone out there listening anyway!

Tina told me that she went out with some of the idiots from work last night. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet anyone, especially if I don't get out to meet anyone. These 'idiots' from work consisted last night of a girl who is married who made out with some guy in the bar and another one who really made out with a guy in the middle of the parking lot, she then left with him. She told Tina that her date ended about 7am this morning. This is according to Tina. I tell you what, I'd rather sit home and be happy than be associated with a bunch of hoochies. I have too much respect for myself to let people assume that if I am with them I also engage in those behaviors....that is, for this week...talk to me after I return from Las Vegas!

Deadlines

2006-08-11T03:42:00.000-07:00

Being on call is officially over. I am so glad. I was out for 4 hours last night, then came home to write up the notes for another 2 1/2 hours. One call I went out with the police, who actually should have been with me on the 1st call. I thought being on call during the week was better than the weekend. Things can usually wait till morning, but not the weekend. I logged 13 hours in 3 days, that's a lot.
The best part of today is that I have 1 more week till vacation, 5 more working days. The worst part, I only have 5 more working days! Yesterday I learned I have to write a 17 page court report on 6 children by next Friday. I will be out of town Monday and Tuesday seeing kids at facilities, and have pretty much the rest of the week booked up. I foresee some late nights at work this week, and I already racked up 20 hours of comp time in the past 2 weeks, in addition to the overtime of 13 hours on call.
So do I celebrate one more week or freak out.
I would like to disappear from civilization for a week and leave the cell phone behind. Make that 2 weeks please.

what a job

2006-08-09T03:24:00.000-07:00

I was in family court yesterday and a law guardian asked me if I was involved in the case of the girl, a dog and a sex act. I won't give you all the wonderful details I had to hear. I left court thinking that we see and hear about the strangest shit; things that most people would be appalled to hear about or know that go on. As caseworkers, we go into the field not knowing what we will face on any given day; especially the CPS workers. At least the police get guns, not us though. I am on call this week. Monday night I had 3 calls. None last night thankfully. Tonight I get to return a child home after 2 years in foster care. I went to the home near the end of July while the child was home on a visit and gave them the news that she is coming home for good. Mom cried, I cried, the child hugged me. I guess this is one of the few rewards you get; to actually see a family put back together. The foster mother is very emotional. I'm sure it is hard to let a child that you have raised go after 2 years. I hope she can make this return home tonight as easy for the child as possible. Funny I have been waiting for this day for a few weeks, but I also dread it. I will be going on vacation in 13 days and I am struggling to get everything done before I go. It seems that the body and mind get to a point where they know vacation is coming and say I can't take anymore. It could also be the fact that I have 32 vacation days and haven't used any yet. I have had some time off but it has been comp time. We don't get paid overtime; we get comp time, and I have about 9 days of that. That is a lot of extra hours working. Vicious cycle though, you take the time off then spend so much extra time getting caught up on what you missed. This coming vacation will be 8 working days off...that is a long time in this business. I need it and am looking forward to it, but dreading going back and I haven't even left yet!

dreams

2006-08-06T03:58:00.000-07:00

I have been having what I call 'stalker dreams' again. Someone is chasing me or I am running from someone. We go on vacation in 16 days (but who's counting?!); 10 more work days! I think I need it. I haven't used a single vacation day yet this year, it's been comp time I used. I earn it pretty quick, seems like at east a day a month.
Friday I had 2 appointments after 3, hoping they'd be short and I'd stop by the last house real quick, it's near my house. Problems at both places. We are on summer hours 8-4, but I go in at 7 because it's quiet and try to get some work done. This would mean I should be out at 3. Nope, doesn't happen. I finished Friday at 5:30 and Thursday at 6. Comp time is earned at time and a half, so those 2 days earned me over half a day. Of course when you take the time off, you get behind. I will be off for 8 work days and with weekends, that's 12 days! I am looking forward to it.
My friend wants me to go on an 18 day transatlantic cruise with him. It leaves from Italy and we would want to take a few days before to spend in Italy. I'd really like to do it, but it would be suicide at work. I think it would take months to catch up.
I better go check my Powerball tickets and see if I can go!

the good samaritan

2006-08-05T03:32:00.000-07:00

I meant to write a few weeks back, in fact I did. Once I wrote it, I closed it. I said what was on my mind, but didn't share it. I did a 'good deed' this week, but looking back now, it was kind of stupid on my part. I was out on home visits all week. I picked the hottest days of the year to be out. So yesterday it starts pouring like crazy and in a matter of seconds it is hailing. I tried to pull under an overhead walkway for some cover because I thought the hail was going to break my windshield. As I am waiting for the hail to stop, I see a man huddled under a tree trying to take shelter. He had a cane in his hand. After a few minutes the hail stops and I am ready to get to my next appointment. I think about the man in the rain. I thought about giving my good umbrella to him but then thought, no, I like that umbrella. Should I just go? Then I think, what if I am being tested here? What would Jesus do? So I roll down the window and ask him where he is headed? He tells me the name of a street which is just a few streets away. So I ask him if he wants a ride. The stranger gets in. There is really no discussion, I get him to his destination and he says, thank you ma'am and gets out. In my rearview mirror I see him run across the street to get out of the down pour. Lisa, you idiot, what were you thinking, he's running and carrying his cane, he could have beat you with it. I thanked God for getting through my good deed unscathed.

25 years

2005-10-25T10:35:00.001-07:00

25 years ago today, my father died. On one hand it seems like a lifetime ago and on the other, it feels like yesterday. Funny that the hurts doesn't go away , even after 25 years.

25 years

2005-10-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

25 years ago today, my father died. On one hand it seems like a lifetime ago and on the other, it feels like yesterday. Funny that the hurts doesn't go away , even after 25 years.

1 saved

2005-09-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I had to place a child into foster care. The mother has some mental health issues to deal with. It was my coworkers case and she was out of the office. Since I had office hours, I had to deal with this emergency. It reminded me of my CPS days...and I didn't like those days.
The mother signed the child over voluntarily. She knew she was making the right decision. I think it takes alot of courage to do that.
Last week, CPS had another fatality of shaken baby syndrome. The baby was almost 8 months old....there are alternatives; there is help. I'm so glad the girl yesterday reached out for help.

Attention quilters

2005-09-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

To quilters everywhere:The devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina on the Gulf Coast is beyond belief. Here in Houston our hearts are heavy with sorrow for all the horrible losses, and we are preparing to welcome the thousands of refugees that are being bussed to us because they have lost their homes or have no access to whatever is left of their homes. Like so many other people, we want to help. Knowing quilters, we think you want to help, too, because there are no more generous, giving, open-hearted people than quilters.Therefore, we are launching a two-part drive for Hurricane Katrina relief, and we urge you to join us in this project. We're callingit QUILTERS COMFORT AMERICA.PART 1: Urgent Donations to the American Red Cross DisasterRelief Fund. We will match EVERY donation made by quilters to the American RedCross, up to a maximum of $10,000, on a dollar for dollar basis.In other words, if you make a $25 donation, we'll match that with another $25 donation. If you make a $100 donation, we'll match that with another $100 donation, right up to the maximum. To avoid delays in your donations reaching the Red Cross, and because we have trusted quilters for more than 30 years now, just email us with the amount of your donation that you sent to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund. Every penny of every donation--up to $10,000--will be matched by International Quilt Festival. You have my word on that. Please use this email address: exec5@quilts.com and use the subject line: RED CROSS DONATION.

PART 2: QUILTS FOR COMFORTMany thousands of the Katrina refugees are being sent to Houston RIGHT NOW, and no one knows how long they will have to be here.most of them escaped the hurricane's fury with only the clothes on their backs--nothing more--and they may have absolutely nothing to go home to. They don't even know. The Astrodome is ready as temporary housing, but there is a serious shortage of bedding. Part 2 of QUILTERS COMFORT AMERICA is the collection of quilts ofall kinds to be distributed to the refugees here in Houston so that they have something soft to sleep on instead of the hard concrete floors of the temporary shelters and something warm to cover up with against the chill of otherwise welcome air-conditioning (we've been in the 90s and 100s for weeks now).Many of us have unfinished projects filling our closets and cupboards. Get out one of those projects--twin size preferred but no smaller than baby quilt size, please--and finish it up for this. Use lightweight batting--do whatever binding is the quickest, even a close zigzag stitch. You don't have to quilt it--tie it! If you have only small projects, add borders. Think about a mother lying on the floor cradling her baby--that's the size quilt we need to provide. These quilts are not meant to be heirlooms, although they will probably be treasured for many years s a symbol of the caring of strangers. Tie them, machine quilt them, work in a group with your friends and finish several on an assembly line, do whatever it takes to get these finished quickly.THE NEED FOR THESE QUILTS IS RIGHT NOW! If you already have somefinished pieces that you don't have plans for, send them too, asl ong as they are no smaller than baby quilt size. If you are a professional, you may have sample quilts that have become shop-worn or faded but are still clean and very usable in an emergency--send them!--we are IN an emergency! Be sure to put a label on the back of your quilt or sign it with a kind thought and your name and date. Every piece will go to a refugee family driven from their homes by the hurricane.To participate in QUILTERS COMFORT AMERICA, send an email to exec5@quilts.com (subject line: COMFORT AMERICA) to let us know how many quilts you are sending. That will help us help the Red Cross in its planning. Please do not expect a confirmation that your quilt has been received or any kind of nice thank-you. Sometimes we just have to do things because they are the RIGHT things to do--this is one of those times. People need help...the kind of help WE can give.Use this address to send your quilt/s:COMFORT AMERICA PROJECTc/o International Festival7660 Woodway, Suite 550Houston, TX 77063Please note: for security, do NOT use the word 'quilt' ANYWHEREin your address label!many of us have also amassed linen closets full of old but completely usable sheets--perhaps a size you no longer use, or juvenile prints that your college age kids don't like anymore. Clean sheets and blankets are also most welcome to QUILTERS COMFORT AMERICA. Naturally, everything should be clean and fresh. These folks have lived with enough mud and dirt to last them the rest of their lives--let's give them a clean bed to rest in. Please note that we cannot use fabric, patterns, scraps, etc. Quilt Festival will serve as the collection point for these quilts, and we will deliver them DAILY to the American Red Cross staffing the refugee centers in Houston, where they will be distributed by the Red Cross volunteers. Because we are right herein Houston where more than 10,000 of the refugees will be, we can make a difference RIGHT NOW...if you'll help.Time is critical--the need is NOW! People are arriving by the hour, children are bedding down on the cold concrete, bedding is needed by people of all ages who have lost everything in this horrible storm. Please help if you can. If you live in or around Houston, you are welcome to hand deliver your donations to us. Our address is 7660 Woodway, Suite 550, Houston 77063. You can find it on Mapquest. Please note that this is one block of Woodway that runs perpendicular to all the rest of Woodway.Thanks to everyone!QUILTERS COMFORT AMERICA.

Karey Patterson BresenhanDirector, International Quilt Festival--Houston and Chicago

Loss

2005-08-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

I see that a fellow blogger's father passed away. This happened very shortly after the passing of his uncle and dog. 3 significant losses in such a short time. I don't know how people deal with it, the heartache. When Angela died this month, it got us all talking. How do people stand up there and receive people? Tina is reading a book about condolences. It says that our body automatically does it; like being on auto pilot. I can't imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you H,and your family- and I'm very sorry for your loss.

2005-08-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well, Angela died. Her funeral was Saturday. She was so full of life. Someone told me you only have so many hours in life and that she must have used hers up quickly having all the fun she did. That's a positive way of looking at it, you have to, because it just doesn't make sense.
We are going on vacation a week from today. I am excited and need it.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I get to go on vacation when I look at the families I serve. Some of the kids are abandoned by their parents. I think of people in pain, like Angela's family and think, what right do I have to have fun?
Guess it's an emotional day and I am really ready for some time off.

how insignificant

2005-08-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

I don't get it. A woman I play cards with and who cuts my hair, collapsed at a gathering Thursday night. My mom was sitting next to her. The woman's name is Angie. She always had a way of making people special, calling you pumpkin or honey or sweetheart. She played by her rules. She did what she wanted....but didn't hurt anyone by doing it. They say an aneurysm burst in her head. They say there is little brain activity. She has a living will. She just turned 55 a few months ago.
They turned off the machine Sunday night...She is breathing on her own, but no change.
Today my aunt sent home a pie for my grandmother, who thinks it has mold on it. She called my aunt and left a message for her. She also called my mother. Mom told her to put the pie in the fridge and my aunt will get the receipt and take it back. Gram calls back in a tizzy because she doesn't know what to do with the pie. It probably cost less than $5.
Angela is dying in a hospital bed. Life is so short and people are concerned about a friggin pie that cost a few dollars. How insignifcant.

how insignificant

2005-08-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

through a child's eyes

2005-07-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

Who tells the child they will never see their mother again? HOW do you tell a child this? I asked a co-worker. She said the person they are closest to should tell them. The foster mom told the boys, a woman where the girl resides told her. I haven't heard back from them on how it went, but today was their weekly visit with dad. I sat in another toom to listen to the conversation, to see how dad handled it. The youngest, who will be 5 in a few days, blurts out 'mom's gone'. The girl, 8, said 'I know and I'm upset'.
The other boy said I know why she left. I though oh, gosh, here it comes. I thought things would go bad then, but he said 'cuz she loves us'. I think the foster mom did a good job! Funny to see things through a child's eyes.
Dad, who is ...let's say limited, seemed to handle it well. I sat there and thought, maybe we are wrong, how can we terminate a parent's rights? But logic took over emotion and I know the kids couldn't be safe at home, not without someone there every minute. Ever seen the movie I am Sam? Hits a little too close to home.
It's funny, I look at professions I wouldn't want to do, like driving a car carrier, but who would want mine?

could you do it?

2005-07-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

Today the mother of 3 children on my caseload surrendered her rights. They are in foster care and have been for over a year. She moved across the country in January. She wanted to surrender her rights to them, she knows she can't take care of them. Can you imagine?
She can't face them, doesn't want a goodbye visit. We have to tell the kids. 8,7 and almost 5. How will that child feel?
I'm such a cry baby myself. She was sobbing. The judge asked her if she understood it meant she wouldn't ever see her kids agin. She said yes. I had to count things inthe court room to keep from crying.
Did she take the easy way out?
Sometimes I hate parts of this job.

why a blog?

2005-04-02T05:06:00.000-08:00

A co-worker of mine said he didn't get what a blog is about? I didn't tell him I blog occasionally. I said I thought it was like a journal...then I thought why do I have a blog? No one reads it, and do I really care? So I was thinking why do it? It is for people who are full of hot air and want to be heard? The people in my life probably already know everything I would write about. Do bloggers feel a need to say to the world look at me and what I wrote. It's more important than anything you'll ever have to say. I'm full of myself.
So, calling all bloggers....what is the point...exactly?

day off

2005-03-10T18:58:00.000-08:00

I took tomorrow off. I have dying to take off a Monday but have kids to transport so I can't; I did the next best thing and took off Friday. I want to putter around the house. I'd like to lounge in comfy pants, huddled up with a cozy quilt...made by me...and read a good book. But, I'd fall asleep. That's not such a bad thing but I feel guilty and unproductive if I nap. I think of all the quilts I could have made, ok not in one afternoon, but they add up.
Sometimes I think I'd like a glass of wine, but then the rest of the bottle goes to waste, or I think I shouldn't cuz I could get drunk and not be able to sew....such guilt!
I do enjoy my quilting. My quilting friend has invited me to come sew tomorrow. We get together frequently to sew, and the best part is she bought a newer model machine then mine and has her old one still, which is the same as mine...so I don't have to lug mine out. She refers to it as my machine and has a table area set up for me. It's nice to have such a setup in someone else's home!
So I feel like tomorrow is an adventure...can't wait to see where it takes me!

it's gonna be a good week.

2005-02-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. They have been generally. Sure there are a few crisis' and as they die down, more come along. But at least I get a part where they die down; some down time.
We go to mass Saturday night, and right after communion we pray. My last ditch effort. One of the last things I say is it's gonna be a good week. And it has been.
Today the girls went out for lunch, good to have that time with Siobhan. We don't get alot of 'girl' time in. Dina and I are always together, yet it never seems like enough time! Siobhan commented that it was nice to see me happy and that I had been unhappy for a long time. Yes, it is nice :-) I used to say I wish I had a job I liked. I don't mind this one. When I worked downstairs I used to say if I won the lottery I wouldn't give 2 weeks notice. Funny, on the way home tonight, I was thinking I wonder if I could do this part time if I won the lottery. Isn't that crazy?!
I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope it doesn't.

2005-02-22T16:32:00.000-08:00

Odd little job I have...Last week a few of my cases blew up and I didn't know where to begin. By the end of the week all was solved. So this week I'm thinking I don't have much to do....except lots and lots of progress notes, which document all that happened. I tried to work on my most active one, reading the notes to see where I left off. Then in comes 2 co-workers and they start flapping their traps about their long weekend and there went my concentration. I didn't get much done today. In fact, I spent alot of it on the phone finding out what happened over the long weekend. I guess the world doesn't realize it was a holiday because there were lots of messages that needed to be returned. I kept saying I had ADD and couldn't concentrate today -not that I am making light of those who really do have it.
The best part of today- other than leaving at the end of it- was when the Director came to me asking if I had a particular case. I said yes. She said 'you probably don't know all your cases yet', I said 'yes, I do'. She asked me about this case and I told her the answer, in great detail. She looked at me surprised. I said 'you didn't think I would know all that' She said 'no, I'm impressed'. :-)

cuz ya got to have friendsssssss

2005-02-18T21:33:00.000-08:00

Well it's been awhile since I've written. The 'old' friend who emailed me keeps in touch with another friend. It was a 3 musketeer thing. So the other one is emailing too. I email them together now. What a trip down memeory lane.
Switching to this new job reminded me what a rotten kid I was and where I could have ended up. The trip down memory lane also brings it all back.
They are coming back to town in May, both are in a wedding together. They want to see me, get together. They also invited Dina. Thank God! I'll feel more comfortable with her there I think; an ally.
The newest one that emailed me said she missed me.....I spoke to Dina about this. I said if she missed me so much, why didn't she get in touch with me. She talks to my aunt. But then I said, who cares, at least I have you to Dina.
Funny how life changes. Girls I was friends with for soooooo long. That's ok, I wonin the end; I have a great friend, a soul mate in Dina.

we're all f'd up

2005-02-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

Remind me that I said this: I think I like my job. I need to remember good things; happy moments. Sounds wacky. Well, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I knw a month ago I felt frustrated not knowing things; learning a new job. Not that I have it down pat now. But I have a better grasp. And I don;t find it very demanding, infact I didn;t have much to do today. So I feel like I am missing something. Case conference with my supervisor today; she tells me constantly how happy she is to have me there and I am doing a good job, and when I tell her I think I must be missing something, she says no, you are organized and a good worker.
I had changed departments about 7 years ago and had said I felt like I was sprung from prsion...that was short lived, but then again, the boss was nuts; changed her mind all the time about what we were to be doing. Several people left that department. I have to keep telling myself that was the reason, otherwise I will be expecting things to go sour here. But I think I like it. Funny, people ask me how the new job is going and I tell them, ok, so far until I'm told otherwise. I keep thinking they're gonna call me in and say why didn't you do this, or that. Cuz, no one told me!
I went to have my taxes done today and it was good, real good. So I'm driving home and thinking, just enjoy being happy. for now.
But here's the thing. Recently I got an email from an old friend. We were best friends, we went thru alot together in our teens; those were some crazy times. She got pregnant back then, long story, but I was there. Now she is divorced with 2 kids, (1 I've never met.) She tells me what's going on in her life...and it's not that great- like she won the lottery or has a great career, but has grown up and has responsibilities and a teenager. I find myself comparing myself to her and where I am at and feel short changed. She asked if I have a boyfriend. I don't want to email back and tell her I still live at home. It sounds so pathetic. C'mon, I tell myself, you have a 4 year degree, a good job, no- a career (I guess) at least I think I will retire from this place. So why do I feel like I don't measure up?
Mom takes grama to bingo every Wednesday night. I had dinner with another quilter in the neighborhood, so I stopped to say hello. I knew alot of the ladies at bingo, said hi too. Mom is introducing me to people this is MY daughter, she says. Grama is happy to see me. We visit. Mom tells me she's glad I stopped. Grama says don't go yet, stay.
I'm driving home and I'm thinking I'm glad we're there for each other, I couldn't leave her. I don't know what I'd do without her.
But what about that feeling that life passed me by, I didn't have kids. On some levels I am so unhappy, and on others I am happy, at least I think I am, for now.

we're all f'd up

2005-02-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

Siobhan cost me money

2005-01-30T14:12:00.000-08:00

I talked with Siobhan today on the phone while Dina and I were having lunch. She said her and her husband went to the flea market. Now I am not a flea market kind of girl, but Dina and I decided to go have a look see. They were having an auction in one section and we sat down to watch. Neither of us had ever been to one. They had the old steamer trunks in the back and put one up for $10 but no one bid, so the guy said they'd come back to them. I got up immediately to find out how to get a number to bid and took a look at the trunks. Well, a few minutes later one came up and I got it for $30!! I was so excited!
Quilter's have 'trunk shows'; it is like a traveling exhibit....and now I have a real trunk for a trunk show! So that means I need to make more quilts! The problem is I have no place to put the trunk! So by talking to Siobhan today she cost me money!
Dina and I were so excited and the trunk barely fit in the backseat, it would have been to tall for the trunk. Dina said we are like Lucy and Ethel...I love our adventures!

Friendship

2005-01-30T08:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I kept thinking it was an 'anniversary'. Don't you know, the phone rang last night and it was Robert saying 'happy anniversary'. We have been friends 14 years. The saying 'acquaintances many, friends few' rings true for me. I know a lot of people; people I have known, or worked with-many over 10 years, but the ones I call my friends, my true friends, I can count on one hand. These are the ones I know will be there for me no matter what, those I can trust with my life.
Last Friday my boss' mother died. I feel so bad for her. She is getting married in May and her mother won't be there. She had been sick since Oct. and in the hospital the whole time. She had been near death several times but would get better slightly. She had received last rights a month ago. I guess seeing her 'deteriorate' may have lessened the blow, but I don't think you can ever fully prepare yourself. My boss came back this week and people visited her constantly. I sit right next to her office and never saw her cry, but she didn't look well. She said to me, you know how it is, you're close to your mother too'. I don't think I could come back in 3 days and pull myself together. I know her doctor gave her sleeping pills, maybe she's on something else, I think I would need to be. I don't want to think about it.